


you have been a hurricane to me

by fmradio



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 15:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18471511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmradio/pseuds/fmradio
Summary: a post-ep fic for 2x02 where eve has many thoughts.title from the poem “Years” by Alicia Ostriker





	you have been a hurricane to me

You loathe her childish attitude. You loathe her confidence in what she does. You loathe her lavish lifestyle, her freedom, her ability to relax in a situation that anyone else would consider dire.

You loathe her.

(You do, you do, you swear you do.)

And yet, you celebrate her work.

Or maybe not _celebrate_. No, you definitely don’t celebrate it, but you consume it as if it’s artwork at a museum.

Even worse, you take it in as if it’s artwork at a museum built just for you.

It’s vile and it’s despicable but it’s _yours_.

And really, it does not make you crazy to think that. She has sent you clothes and perfume and left you notes and called you _baby_. She has singled you out again and again without fail. So, when you see the apple in the boy’s hand and the toilet brush in the man’s mouth, it’s the rational conclusion to think they are messages for you.

Not that you’d tell anybody that.

You don’t need the others finding out how deep in this you actually are.

You told Kenny that you stabbed her, and that’s enough for now.

At first, you didn’t want to tell _anyone_ about what happened in the Paris apartment. It was when you could have told Carolyn the truth, that you realized how disgustingly protective you’ve gotten of your moments with Villanelle, however brief they may be. With all the conflicting feelings that come with stabbing another human being, there was this traitorous feeling, this _need_ , to keep the memory to yourself.

(You’re selfish. You’re so incredibly selfish when it comes to her. So, maybe it’s not her you loathe, maybe it’s you. Your heart tells you that it can’t be both.)

But at the same time, you need to be careful.

Because you wounded someone who let their guard down.

Because of the angry voicemail that she left for you.

Because even though Villanelle is doing cutesy things to maintain your attention, she’s a murderer. You often forget that she could end your life anytime she feels like it. Or more realistically, after the whole healing-from-a-stab-wound-from-yours-truly thing ends.

And maybe you purposely allow yourself to forget sometimes—about the pain she could inflict on you (a knife to the gut for revenge, something crafty and signature, god, the possibilities are endless), about the damage she could do to the people around you—because you have a feeling. A dangerous, hopeful feeling that maybe she doesn’t actually want to hurt you. Doesn’t want to hurt you right now, at least.

Either way, feeling or no feeling, you know she will not be satisfied until she finds you. She might taunt you from afar in her weakened state, but you know her, and eventually she will find you because she cannot help herself.

And you cannot help but wait for her.

**Author's Note:**

> and just like that they become fools together!
> 
> thank you for reading.


End file.
